Is your workplace toxic? 'We're a family here,' and other major red flags to watch for

"We're a family here." "You're the best applicant we've ever seen." "We're all in this together."

If you've worked at a toxic job, you've likely heard these phrases uttered by bosses or colleagues − and mental health experts warn they serve as red flags of boundary violations, mistreatment and more behavior that's unacceptable in the workplace.

"Toxic workplaces are always very competitive, chaotic," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "People often have the sense that they're being pitted against each other."

Unfortunately, toxic workplaces are all too common − and they can wreak havoc on one's mental health, contributing to depression, anxiety, burnout, substance abuse, disordered eating and more.

Here are red flags to watch for in case your job might be toxic.

They love bomb in the interview

Like most narcissistic relationships, a toxic workplace relationship often begins with love bombing, says Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse."

Love bombing is a manipulation tactic that involves showering someone with praise and affection early in a relationship. At a toxic workplace, this often begins in the job interview.

If your interviewer wants to hire you on the spot, immediately calls you the perfect candidate or sings your praises before even really knowing you, take note.

" 'You're the best candidate we've ever seen. No one's ever had a resume like yours' − it feels good to hear that stuff, but it might also be that they're trying to hook you in," Sarkis says.

If your interviewer speaks in a grandiose fashion about how great the company's culture is, that may also be a red flag. After all, if something seems too good to be true, it is.

"It's like they love bomb you into the company, but then, once you get into the company, you start to realize that what they had set up or what they had said was going to be a very supportive environment isn't," Cole says.

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They don't respect boundaries

Boundary violations are common in toxic relationships of all types; with a toxic workplace, this often looks like requiring labor outside an employee's work schedule or requiring tasks outside of an employee's job description.

Toxic or narcissistic bosses also guilt employees into not taking time off or into making up missed work from when they were away.

"They expect you to basically do what they want, when they want, and they don't have any consideration for the time it might take to do something," Cole says.

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Geri-Lynn Utter, a psychologist and author of "Aftershock: How Past Events Shake Up Your Life Today," encourages employees to communicate with managers and respectfully stand up for themselves, should this situation arise.

"Be very transparent with your communication," she says. "Ask the question: 'Is this something that's expected of me? If it is, fine − can you appropriately train me on it? Can you teach me, and could you also let me know how this fits into my scheduled hours?' "

Gossip, bullying and more red flags

Cole, Sarkis and Utter offer the following additional hallmarks of toxic workplaces:

• There's a culture of gossip or bullying: "If you're just meeting a coworker or you're meeting a supervisor and immediately they start to talk poorly about other people that have been there before you, that to me is a sign," Utter says.
• People take credit for your work: Toxic colleagues are "always going to try to make themselves look good, so they might steal your ideas, claim your ideas came from them, or just take credit for the work that you do," Cole says.
• Your manager has a short fuse: If you have to tiptoe around your supervisor, or "manage your manager," as Utter says, that's a red flag.
• You dread going to work: Red flags are also internal, such as feelings of dread, hypervigilance and lack of motivation related to work. "Lots of people have a hard time sleeping, especially going to sleep on Sunday night," Cole says. "They just are so anxious even during their time off, because they're stressed about what's happening at work."

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